


Cold to Her Core

by aStrayFox



Series: OC Adventures and One-Shots [3]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:11:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22736077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aStrayFox/pseuds/aStrayFox
Summary: Ice, also known as Yukiko Koizumi, has some serious explaining to do if she wants to keep her job as a CCG agent.
Series: OC Adventures and One-Shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605076
Kudos: 1





	Cold to Her Core

**Author's Note:**

> I am the worst at titles, they're all so edgy. xD
> 
> This is a brief look into the mind of Yukiko Koizumi, and some of her many mistakes.
> 
> This will probably become a collection of Ice-centric works 0w0

**Mistakes Like Blood Drenched Snow**

* * *

There are many times in Yukiko Koizumi's life where she's had to pause and really, truly, evaluate if the choices she's making are the right ones. Too many times, if she's honest with herself. Today, even with the brutal training regime Purple has been putting them through, has been one of deep introspection for her. The worst part is it really seems like she's messed up this time. 

For one reason or another Nakarai is upset with her again, although it's harder to tell _exactly_ why she is. Purple could very much so just decide to turn her in with the evidence against her that she's collected over their time together, even more so because of Ice's most recent behavior. Even with the others seeming oblivious to what is going on, Ice is certain Ringo knows something of it, probably more than she lets on from the worried looks she shoots her when she thinks Ice isn't paying attention.

Topping the cake with a thick layer of icing is how much _blood_ Ice has on her hands. Something that always bothered her was the killing being a part of the CCG required of her, but the deaths that have been carved by her own hands that have nothing to do with her job are the ones that are etched so deeply into her memory, she doubts she can ever truly was the blood from her skin. Her most recent kills being more innocent than any of the others just makes it that much harder for her to forget them. Killing them for the pure fact that they engaged in a form of sexual activity with her was just cruel, and yet here she is about 60 or so deaths in, knowing that the if she isn't the one to kill them, Hiko will. That's what it has boiled down to, at least. 

Hiko.

And her obsession with Ice.

How many have died by Hiko's hand? How many people has Ice fucked that she can't remember, who probably had a life, been killed by Hiko?

Even now, when Ice sits and thinks as hard as she can, knowing she had to of performed sexual intercourse with at least 200 or so people, she can only name about 100, _maybe 120._ How far on that list is Hiko? How close is she to reaching Nakarai and Ringo, two people who Ice _knows_without a single doubt don't deserve to die. As horrible as Nakarai has been in the past, she doesn't deserve to die for that. Certainly not just because she fucked the wrong person.

It's so hard for Ice to concentrate when she lets her mind wonder, and she knows if she doesn't start to focus soon Purple will notice. Of course, she's at least been able to act the part as of late, although highly detailed reports that she barely pays enough attention to makes it hard to believe she hasn't been caught. Although, up until that detective almost caught her the night before last she had been doing well to mask her thoughts. She wouldn't know how to begin explaining to someone else _why _she's been killing her old one night stands. While it had seemed like a decent idea at first, it was proving to be a horrible one in the long run. And now she's stuck trying to figure out where Hiko is on the list, with Hiko skipping around it because of Ice's meddling. 

Until Purple reminded her by nearly choking her out, she had almost forgotten that if Hiko was almost finished with the list it would mean Ringo or Nakarai could be next almost any night. But a part of Ice knows that its far more likely that Hiko would save them for last... 

What Ice would give to just talk to Hiko, even if it would get her no where. Perhaps she could convince her to stop the killing, and just take her? 

It took everything Ice had in her to stay calm and distant, even if that was only a front she was putting on. One that at this point, she's certain no one in their entire squad believed was real. 

Trying to focus became more difficult the more she let her mind wonder. If Purple hadn't started this new, much more rigorous training, Ice was certain that she would have been called out for her inability to focus on the task at hand. At least with the training, she was too focused on not being impaled or fatally injured that she was able to stop thinking, if only for a couple hours. 

* * *

Here she was, at the end of another day, readying herself for another night of attempting to figure out just where Hiko was on the list, when a small but intensely firm hand grabs onto her shoulder.

**"Ice."**

Ringo. Of course it would be. 

_"What's up? Did I forget something in the office?"_

**"No, I just... Needed to talk to you."**

Ice knew she wasn't injured at the moment, Ringo had healed her up at the end of training. And yet when she turned to face Ringo, the girls face was full of concern and a sternness that surprised Ice.

**"Ice, are you... Are you really okay? What's been going on lately?"**

There it was, a question she had been dreading. If it had come from someone else, it would have been easy to brush off with a lie. But Ringo was good about seeing through the kind of lies Ice told, and if Ringo of all people was pulling her aside to speak with her it truly proved how concerned the girl was. 

_"I'm alright, Ringo. Just tired from the training."_

Ringo shot her a warning look, a look that told Ice the pink haired girl knew there was more to it than that.

**"Don't lie, or tell me half truths. I know you were trying to forge mo-- Purple's signature. Please don't lie, just tell me what's going on. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to."**

Why was Ringo so _good_ at making you feel bad? The look in her junior's eyes was a mix of concern and a deep sadness, and as Ice watched her, she seemed to make what looked like a thoughtless gesture of rubbing her abdomen. 

_"Ringo... Please don't worry about it, I'm not doing anything dangerous. Purple already made sure of that. And while I may have been trying to, I gave up on that."_

The spark of anger that flashed across Ringo's eyes was enough to tell Ice that her words were no where near enough to calm her worry.

**"Is that why I had to heal _bullet_ wounds, Ice? What the actual fuck is wrong with you. I... I really hope you don't expect me to just be around to heal you after every mistake. Push me and I may just take a card from Purple's deck and let you heal on your own."**

The flash of hurt across Ice's face before she covers it behind the cold mask she wears was enough to prove to Ringo that she had truly gotten to her colder senior.

_"It really isn't something to worry about, Purple already caught me red-handed Ringo. If you really want to know what dumb shit I've been up to ask her. You could figure it out yourself if you look hard enough."_

Maybe Ice was being too harsh on the girl, because the flash of hurt and anger that crosses the younger girls face is enough to make her feel truly bad about her actions. 

**"Really. You don't have to push everyone away, you know? You're allowed to have friends and confide in them. Or do you not trust us enough. Come on Ice, somethings bothering you. You've barely focused enough to keep Purple off your back."**

_"Like I don't know that. Look, it's nothing. Nothing that you need to get anymore involved with than you already are. I'll be okay, and if I'm not? Maybe you should just let me try to heal on my own."_

With those last words, detached and as sharp as Q-Steel, Ice turns on her heel. Catching the briefest glimpse of Purple coming out of the elevator before she complete the turn and pushes through the front doors of the CCG. 

**"Ice, wai-!"**

And just like that, Ice was gone, heading off at a speed too quick to catch up to without drawing too much attention to them.

* * *

Ringo, left standing with her hand ever so outstretched in the main lobby, before turning to her step mom with a poorly concealed expression of hurt on her face.

**Author's Note:**

> Well that hurt. 
> 
> Now that the depression is over, I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! ;-;


End file.
